


Dragon Age Shorts

by DalishWolfy



Series: Ianna Lavellan [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Definitely Solavellan Spoilers, Dragon Age: Inquisition - Jaws of Hakkon DLC, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, F/M, Flashbacks, I will probably end up forgetting to update tags, Lavellan was from an Avvar Tribe, Loss, Mage Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Memory Magic, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Pre-Break Up, Short, Solas Was a Spirit of Pride, Solavellan Hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24569284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalishWolfy/pseuds/DalishWolfy
Summary: Just a bunch of short stories I am writing to tide me over until DA4. Most of them will probably be my poor Ianna being an emotional wreck. Not all of them are canon....I just want to write something about my Lavellan.
Relationships: Ameridan/Telana, Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan
Series: Ianna Lavellan [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775866
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. The World Will Take the Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ianna and Solas have a heart to heart after defeating Hakkon. This takes place before the dreaded Crestwood scene.

Laughter floated across the water, fleeting and fading but never gone. She smiled at the ruckus, she had missed the carefree, ignorance the Avvar displayed to lowlander affairs. She took in a lungful of the crisp mountain air, feeling more comfortable and at home than she had in months. The water lapped at the rocks below and she swung her feet back and forth, much like a child. The crashing of waves against the shore was a lullaby she had sorely missed her first few months in Haven, so she attempted to memorize the sound now afraid to forget it while continuing her hunt for Corypheus in Skyhold.  


“They sing songs in your honor Inquisitor. Have these small celebrations become so dull already?” Solas smiled faintly as he approached her.  


“No, I simply needed air. Though, as much as I adore him, I could do without Bull’s horrid singing.” As if to punctuate her statement another song began, with the Qunari singing the loudest. Solas chuckled softly.  


“Most could.” He gestured to an empty spot beside her, silently requesting permission to sit. Ianna nodded, it was subtle and small, tentative. They sat in silence for a few minutes, it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, it was a silence shared between two kindred souls.  


“You don’t need to be so formal Solas. I may be Inquisitor but...I consider you a…” she struggled to find the words, realizing she wasn’t entirely sure what they were.  
Solas gave her a sympathetic look, his eyes soft. “Yes, that is the question, isn’t it? I promise it will be answered soon. I just need...a little more time.” he looked across the water, but some part of him looked past the mountains, somewhere she could not follow. She felt him retreating into a dark corner of his thoughts and she scrambled to pull him back.  


“I’ve been thinking…” he looked at her, still reserved but she had his attention, that was a good first step.  


“Ameridan and Telana. They...he...he told her to leave but she didn’t. She waited for him, she tried to find him despite everything she risked by staying.”  


“And this bothers you? I could see why..it would be a very foolish thing to do considering the circumstances-”  


“No. I think, I understand why she stayed.” she looked down at her hands and began to trace the faint tattoos that wrapped them. Solas looked at her, a stricken look on his face but he composed himself quickly.  


“Do you?”  


“Yes. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, she was so desperate to find him and filled with so much hope that he would come to her that she bound a spirit to wait. To inform him of her death should he return or to tell her story should he not. What is so foolish in having hope, in believing that your lover will return to you, in one form or another?” she looked at him then, her eyes bright and filled with stars. Her eyes were the same odd teal as the twilight sky in front of them and Solas hadn’t considered it’s beauty till this exact moment. Her vallaslin folded gently as she smiled.  


“I would wait.” Solas made a conscious effort not to frown.  


“You would wait? Even knowing they would probably not return?”  


“Yes” she smiled calmly, satisfied with her fictitious decision.  


“What if everything you know depended on you, as it does now? What if the very fabric of the world was burning around you? You would sit here idly, waiting for someone who is most likely dead.” she flinched at the harsh emphasis on his words.  


“Does that bother you?” she tried to keep the venom from her tone.  


“Not that you would wait on it’s own, no. It’s that you would allow your world to burn for the sake of mere sentiment.” he stood abruptly and she stared at him, surprise and confusion clear across her features.  


“Solas, this is simply a hypothetical scenario. Hypothetically I would like to think I had the ability to sit and wait for someone to find me. Realistically, if the world depended on me again, I would leave. But believe me, it would be more painful to leave someone I loved to die than to watch the world tear itself apart.” her hands began to tremble at her sides as she stood to face him. Him being a foot taller did nothing to help her confidence.  


“It would hurt...no..It would KILL me to leave someone I thought I could save. Solas, if I ever abandoned someone I loved I would not be the same person. Every part of the Ianna you know would die.” she choked back the tears that threatened to consume her. Solas sighed as he took her trembling hands in his, giving them a soft squeeze.  


“I...I’m sorry vhenan. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” the sentence was layered, an emotion that seemed out of place but she couldn’t understand what it was. He dropped one of her hands and wrapped his free hand into her hair, leaning down slightly to kiss her forehead.  


“It’s admirable you would wait for someone, despite some obvious reasons not to. I simply wish I had your faith and trust in others.” he wiped a stray tear that escaped her eyes, letting his thumb trace small circles into the skin as his other hand moved to her other cheek.  
She looked into his eyes and smiled faintly as the moon bounced off his skin. She was reminded of what Ameridan had said to her before releasing Hakkon.  


“Take moments of happiness where you can find them. The world will take the rest.”  


She moved her arms to wrap around Solas’s shoulder’s and dragged him down the few remaining inches to kiss her. Despite their disagreement, this was one of the few moments she could truly be herself. Where she could be happy with him, she vowed to make the most of it. He pulled away first, though she could detect his reluctance to do so.  


“Would you care to return to your party now my heart?” his smile was small and breathless but it radiated a pure joy she hadn’t felt in a long time.  


“I prefer your company to theirs.”  


“I never said I would leave you, did I?” she laughed as he dragged her down the familiar route to the banquet hall across the bridge. Upon entrance, Ianna was greeted with cheers and the smell of her favorite foods. She was home, and as she dragged Solas to a secluded corner of the hut where they could watch the festivities commence she knew this moment would forever be sealed in her mind, it would be nurtured and it would be kept bright. A moment of untainted joy amongst the corrupted visions of rituals, blood and death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's just a small scenario I thought of after finishing the Jaws of Hakkon DLC. I tried making this happy and fun...it kinda worked?


	2. To The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After years of searching Ianna finally finds her wolf. But the meeting isn't what she thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my original take/ reaction to the Dread Wolf Rises teaser from 2018. Just took me two years to summon the courage to post something.

"God damnit!" Lavellan's curse echoed down the halls as she tried uselessly to free her prosthetic from the unmoving corpse.

"Ianna, just leave it!" Dorian was already at her side, unhooking the complicated device from her stumped arm. He was on the last buckle before it jammed. He let out a frustrated yell as his group of spies caught up. They noticed their employers' trouble and glanced frantically down the hall then at one another. The Tevene noticed.

"Go! You halfwits! Don't let him get away!" They were halfway down the hall before he finished his sentence.

"Dorian, no! I have to be there! He can't get away- I can't- " Lavellan couldn't stop the tears that flowed down her cheeks. She was here, she had found him. She was about to save him, he was feet away and she was about to lose him to a damn prosthetic.

"Shh, it's okay. He won't get away...I promise" he took a moment to look her in the eye, conveying his sincerity, before resuming his task of sawing at the leather band around her arm.

~~~~~~~

Vierus sprinted down the hall, ignoring the heat and flames that lapped at her sides. This is what they had been hunting for, for years. She could practically taste the salty air of the sea as she settled in for early retirement. This was her final job. Her party of misfits approached the chamber cautiously. They knew little of the mage they were hunting, only that he sought to tear the veil down and that he was important to Inquisitior Lavellan. Vierus assumed the importance was purely security based.

"Boss?" Fenris was motioning to the center of the room. A wide dome of blue magic curled over a broad shouldered, bald elf in the center. That had to be him and if it was, he showed no signs of knowing that his ritual had been infiltrated.

"Have Calpernia take the barrier down. If he stirs, distract him while I find a clear shot..." The plan was simple, loose and dangerous, but Vierus had learned that sometimes having a loose plan was better than a strict one, because if things went wrong it was easy to recover. Fenris nodded and signaled for the mage to take down the elf's barrier. It took her only a few seconds to cast the spell and when the blue lighted faded the elf inside did not stir. Vierus looked at Fenris uncertainly and he simply shrugged, the white markings on his face mirroring the confusion she felt.

She was tempted to leave their target as he was, in his odd meditative state, but then he moved. His eyes glowed for the briefest moment and Calpernia was stone. Fenris jumped slightly but quickly fell into his role in the plan. With the ancient mage's attention on the opposite side of the room Vierus was able to slip behind him, wrapping herself in the fade, rendering her form invisible. Fenris didn't last long before he was also turned to stone but it was just enough time for Vierus to slide the knife between the man's ribs, the blade went through smoothly, stopping only when the hilt hit skin. Fen'Harel let a small, surprised gasp escape his lips and before he could heal himself Vierus stabbed again, this time through the heart. He made a low grunt as she dislodged the blade from his body and the elf turned to face his attacker, grey eyes stormlight and confusion. He slumped to the ground, staring at the ceiling as his breathing became short and ragged. Vierus felt him trying to close his wounds with magic and she stopped him with her own, using most of her strength. He let out a soft, almost disbelieving, chuckle as blood dripped from his mouth.

~~~~~~~

Lavellan knew it before she saw him. She could pinpoint the moment his life began to drain because she felt a big piece of her heart stop working, it was dying. She became frantic and started clawing at the cursed lump of metal attached to her. The tears were already flowing freely and she could feel her rage boil, coiling inside her like a snake wrapped around its prey. Constricting, suffocating. Her rage boiled over and she burned off the prosthetic, scorching more than just minerals and leather in the process. She bolted down the hall, ignoring the scent of burning flesh that emitted from her stump.

She wasn't too late.

She couldn't be late.

She stopped in the doorway taking in the circular room. Vierus, Dorian's most loyal agent, was slumped against the wall, heaving and exhausted. Fenris and Calpernia were stone statues now and...oh...no.

No, no, no, no!

The puddle of red in the center of the room was where the former Inquisitior ran. She kneeled in the blood, ignoring the grimace of pain that came to the man's face as she lifted his head into her lap.

"V-vhenan?" His voice was unnervingly quiet. His usual tone of self-assured smugness was gone, replaced by a weak breathlessness. Lavellan couldn't help the tears that flooded her eyes, and she fought the scream that threatened to overcome her.

"So..you've found me at last..." A smirk tugged at the edge of his lips as he looked at his lover, the images of their last, tension filled moments in crossroads flooded his memory, "I suspect you have questions.." his blue-grey eyes sparked slightly as he humored himself.

"Solas..." Her voice broke " Please vhenan...stay with me please. Stay here.." she clutched his hand tightly sending waves of her healing magic to his injuries, willing them closed with the little mana she had left.

"I wish I could ma'lath...I have lost too much.." he swallowed, unable to force the words out. He had never needed to come to terms with his mortality, not before the Inquisition but now he was grateful he had gotten the practice. Because as he stared up at the woman he loved, vision dark and murky; he realized that he felt no fear. Not now, not since she was holding him. Keeping him.

"No..no you're going to be fine." She couldn't lose him, not now, not after everything she had gone through, "You're going to be fine" she said it for herself.

"My love..I'm dying..please just-"

"NO! NO! GOD DAMNIT SOLAS NO! You're fine!" She was sobbing now, wailing, uncontrollably and she looked at Dorian who was standing in shock in the doorway.

"Go get a healer!!! DO SOMETHING!" electricity emitted from her slight form. Dorian snapped out of his trance and rushed off. Solas would have chuckled at the tevinter's genuine fear of the small woman but his blood kept the air from getting to the proper places, so it came out like a gurgled choke. She understood the noises intent.

"Stop laughing this isn't funny!" Ianna poured the last vestiges of her magic into his wounds. It did nothing.

"Solas..I found a way to take it down. The Veil. I found a way to take it down without hurting anyone..." He smiled, his eyes focusing past his lovers' pained, red eyes. Of course she had, she was relentless, persistent, a force of nature. He knew he wouldn't have been able to stop her. Not even tonight, as he had sat in his meditation seconds from tearing apart her world he knew she would stop him, somehow.

" How is it...even as I die...you find ways to surprise me." Another half-hearted chuckle and his hand moved slowly to her bare face. It was cold, and stained red from where he had tried to stop the flow of blood from his body.

"You are so beautiful.." his eyes were focused on her now, bright and aware. This newfound focus didn't sit well with her. The tears continued to flow, anger, grief, she couldn't pinpoint the exact emotion that caused them. He wiped them away gently, leaving a blood swipe across her face that eerily reminded her of the Champion she had left in the Fade.

"Ar lath ma vhenan.." he smiled faintly, and Lavellan covered his hand on her cheek with her own.

"Ma lath..." she felt his thumb move weakly to wipe another tear that rolled down her cheek but he stopped, she felt his hand become heavy in her own, his head went limp in her lap.

"Solas?" she looked down at him, at his blank, cold features. She searched her heart, the part she knew connected her to him; it was gone, empty, silent, still. She clutched his tunic tightly, pulling him closer, searching for anything, any touch, any remnant, something that would help it beat again.

"No..." She let the sobs come to claim her. She felt her grief overwhelm her as her soul was crushed by the weight of it all. Why? Why did everything she love seem to vanish. He had been her reason for living, the only thing that kept her tied to reality, without him she couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe. She gasped and clutched him tighter, her throat seeming to collapse on itself with each new sob.

"Inquisitor?" the voice was silent, tentative, she barely registered it until she heard the metal scrape against the stones. Her head shot up, the tears stopped instantly. Her grief subsided, replaced by rage. Burning red rage. This wasn't her fault. She hadn't killed him.

"You.." the word was quiet, dangerous, hardly above a whisper. Lavellan understood at that moment, she understood how Solas felt when the circle mages bound Wisdom, only she was sure she felt his pain more than 100 times over. Vierus took a step back as Lavellan turned to face her, all of her pain, all of her rage was clear within seconds of looking into her turquoise eyes. They weren't the calm water like Vierus was used to, the blue untouched lake. They were fire, blue, bright and angry. It filled her with a strange kind of fear, one that froze her in place, she wouldn't move, couldn't move.

The Inquisitor took two steps forward, her pants and face stained red with blood, her good hand was stained as well, and that was the most terrifying part as Vierus saw the woman's magic flow red around her hand. Flame.

"Ser? I..You're not thinking straight. Please...I only thought-"

"YOU THOUGH WHAT?!" her voice rang through the building, so much anguish within the few words it made Vierus want to cry, to weep at her innocent mistake.

"He was going to destroy.."

"I TOLD YOU TO WAIT! I ORDERED YOU TO APPREHEND HIM! TO BE SURE THAT HE LIVED!" the small spark in her palm had become a roaring flame that crept up her arm. Vierus shrank back against the cold wall, the fires heat lapping at her body far sooner than she had thought it would. She would have fought back if the woman in front of her didn't look so terrifying, didn't look like the smallest movement would mean an automatic death.

"I'm sorry..." smaller still, her head lowered. The fire ceased suddenly and the figure's head looked up, hopeful. Until she saw her assailant's composure; her shoulders were no longer rigid, they were slack and relaxed. What had once been pits of blue and green fire were now dark, unfeeling slabs of veil quartz, the eyes of someone who had lost all capacity for emotion; for compassion, empathy, love. Vierus's blood went cold, the warmth drained from her face.

"Sorry won't bring my heart back." The fire was bright and hot for only a second before there was nothing but frozen oblivion.

~~~~~~~

Lavellan stared at the charred spot on the ground as the ashes settled carefully atop one another, it made her angry that even the ashes remained. She was about to send another bolt of fire at them before a feather light hand took hold of her wrist, it was gentle and cool.

"She is gone. She can't hurt you anymore." Lavellan nearly began to cry again, nearly, but when she willed the tears to come it only succeeded in making the hollow hole in her chest ache.

"Cole..." her voice was flat, monotone. The spirit was hurt by the hollowness of her voice, this wasn't her, it couldn't be, she was too dim.

"She will stop me. I know she will. How much longer vhenan? I want to see you, hold you." he paused, sorting through the jumble of thoughts, "Pain. Red hot pain. I didn't think it would hurt so much. I will die. No..no I can't die. Not here. Not now. Not without her-". Cole looked at Lavellan, placing a gentle hand on her face where Solas had only minutes before.

"He felt you here, he saw you and you made the pain go away. You helped..." Lavellan felt her tears sting and she held Cole's hand to her face, the phantom of Solas's final touch.

"I knew you would stop me.I knew you would be here. I know I won't die alone. Thank you...Ar lath ma vhenan..." the tears came then, as she remembered Solas's worst fear from the Nightmare's lair in the Fade.

"He didn't die alone..."she was quiet but Cole heard her.

"He died happy." She nodded and collapsed into Cole's waiting embrace, the spirit stroked her hair gently and sat with her on the floor, humming Solas's favorite tunes as to quiet her sobs. When her head and throat began to ache she curled into Cole's chest, he welcomed her, gentle and loving. She always saw him as the brother she never had.

"..how did you find us Cole?"

"Bright, blinding. You don't have the mark but you're still you, still bright but not blinding. I see you better than most..."

"Dorian sent you..didn't he?"

Cole paused, "Yes"

"I'm glad he did..."

"He is happy.." Cole smiled suddenly, his gaze becoming distant.

"Huh? Dorian?" Lavellan looked up at the boy.

"No, Solas. Peaceful, content, safe. He doesn't have to hide anymore. He can be him, more him than he could here. Like me when I became me. He is him, he is home." Lavellan couldn't help the gasp that escaped her mouth.

"You can still hear him?!"

"He is Pride. But more now, he knows how to have other feelings. He will remember because it helps him be more. Wisdom, compassion, love. He is not just Pride."

Lavellan looked at him, confused, "I don't understand..."

"You will.." Cole smiled down at her, excited, almost giddy. It made her almost just as excited.

"What do you mean?"

"Sleep.." 

~~~~~~~

Lavellan groaned and rolled onto her stomach as the pale dawn light filtered through her massive windows in Skyhold. It was far too early to be up, the bird's weren't even singing.

"Vhenan...ma lath...come on get up," a soft kiss was placed against her shoulder as a warm hand wrapped around her stomach, pulling her closer.

"5 more minutes," a warm chuckle was emitted from his chest, carefree, and she was happy to hear it; it wasn't a sound she heard enough.

"You always say that and then you're grumpy when Josephine comes banging on the door an hour later..." another soft kiss, on the back of her neck this time. She scoffed lightly as she opened her eyes reluctantly, the sky was a brilliant blue with hardly a cloud in sight. The lighting was odd though, more of a noonish color than an early dawn.

"What time is it?" her partner was silent. Lavellan turned to face him and was surprised to see his face contorted in a confused expression.

"Ma lath?"

"I am..afraid I am quite uncertain of the time vhenan.." he looked at her then and she stared for a moment, something wasn't quite right about his appearance. She quickly compared him to her...she stopped. Solas was dead, why was he...with her, in Skyhold?

"Solas?" she reached out to touch his face and realized what had thrown her off about his appearance, "Where is your scar?" she gently thumbed the spot on his brow where it had been.

"I thought you would appreciate it gone..."

"No..I liked it." as she said the words the small indent appeared in his skin, as if it had always been there.

"What are you? You're not a demon, you wouldn't be so kind if you were. Are you a spirit? I appreciate you trying to help my friend but-" she was cut off as Solas- no, not him- the spirit pulled her into a tight embrace, crushing her lips in a passionate kiss. She tried to push away but the grip was strong. The spirit pulled away, brushing away a stray hair from her face.

"No vhenan, it's me. Or well...parts of me...more of me? I am not yet certain how much of me is left but there is enough of me to know that I still love you. I still care for you." she looked into his eyes, they weren't as stormy blue as they had been, now they were an odd mix of purple and the old blue.

"If you are you then tell me something only Solas would know. Something a demon would never be able to find out..." Solas looked at her, baffled for a moment.

" You do understand if I were a demon, I would know everything about you by now yes? We are inside your head..." Lavellan was silent, demon's weren't self aware, they didn't know what they could or couldn't know. She felt her eyes prick and she covered her mouth as she sat up in bed, trying to keep the sobs from piercing her throat.

"Vhenan?" His voice was gentle, perfect, so perfect. She hadn't known if she would hear him speak again.

"This was a mistake. It's too much..too soon. Hold on my love, you'll wake up soon. It'll be better, I promise." she felt herself slipping from the dream and she clutched Solas's arm tightly.

"No! Wait!" then she was somewhere else entirely, sweat beaded on her forehead and her hands were clutching tightly to the sheets, her strangled cry cut off as she awoke. She looked around frantically, feeling her heart rate speed. She was in Minrathous, in one of Dorian's many guest rooms, she was alone. Solas wasn't here, he was gone. But she had heard him, seen him, felt him. He was there in the Fade. He was Pride. She had to go back, she had to find him. Her sobs echoed down the halls, they were animalistic and frightening to those who heard.

Dorian flung the door open, rushing to his friend's side immediately. He held her to his chest as she sobbed and hyperventilated.

"W-w-where is h-h-he?" she was breathless, panicked.

"Who?"

"Cole. I n-n-need to talk to h-him." she worked to control her breathing.

"Cole? Sweetheart, we haven't seen Cole since The Exalted Council..." her stomach dropped, she was silent.

"What?...But..I...saw..he said..." she curled into her friend's chest, helpless, hollow.

"It wasn't real..."

Dorian was silent as he contemplated her words and confusing outburst, the only sounds came from wind chimes as the sun began to climb the sky. It was bright blue, not a single cloud in sight, and the birds were still asleep.


	3. Broken, Bare and Bleeding (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianna tries desperately to figure out what she did wrong after the events of Crestwood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts/suggestive language

**Ianna huddled farther into the dark corner of her room. No one could see her here. Here she could be herself, she wasn't a savior, she wasn't the Herald, she was a woman who had seen too much, had felt too much.**

_"She is bare-faced, embarrassed, and she doesn't know. She thinks it's why you walked away."_

**She felt the remnants of her tears as her hand moved under her eyes, imagining lines that were no longer there. He didn't have to leave.**

_"And I distracted you from your duty. It will never happen again."_

**He was never a distraction, never a nuisance. But it wasn't the words themselves that she felt searing her heart like a hot knife, it was the tone of his voice. The logical front he used to talk about magical theories, no, it was colder than that; it was forced and frigid. A frozen wall too thick to cut.**

_"You never let anyone see under that polite mask you wear, do you?"_

**She regretted those words. She regretted them because she knew they were wrong. He said it himself:**

_"You saw more than most."_

**She saw it first in Haven as they talked about the Dalish. He had been so composed but after her witty remark something inside him snapped and his eyes were intense, solid as steel.**

_"They are children, acting out stories misheard and repeated wrongly a thousand times." The words were venom on his tongue, it had made her insides coil like a snake ready to strike but there was something in his conviction that she admired. She felt her cheeks warm as her anger flared._

_"Oh, and you know the truth?" He reigned in his temper quickly before he continued, cool and collected again. The mask put carefully in its place again._

**That had been the first time. The second time was with Wisdom.**

_His shoulders were slumped and pained as he kneeled before the dying spirit. Their exchange was brief and Ianna felt helpless as she watched the man she loved guide his friend to death. She knew the rage, hollowness, and grief he would feel in the days to come. She wanted to do more to help, despite his reassurance that she already had. He turned to the circle mages, hands balled into tight fists, waves of heat emanating with such power Ianna felt as if she couldn't breath. The veil felt too thin, it came too easily._

_"You tortured and killed my friend." The wave of magic came crashing down, his anger fueling the fire that cut the mages down. His shoulders were rigid, his back was straight but his head was bowed. He turned back to Ianna, never looking at her, she felt his rage as if it were her own as he passed. It was blinding, all consuming, red hatred, with edges tinted blue in grief._

_"I need some time alone. I will meet you back at Skyhold." A strong voice, but she knew he felt Wisdom's death like millions of rocks had just come crumbling from the Fade itself._

_The next time was after she drank from The Well of Sorrows._

_"I begged you not to drink from the Well. Why could you not have listened?" He was facing his most recent fresco._

**She couldn't bring herself to go into the rotunda now, not while he was there. A sharp, hollowed pain shot through her chest and she felt her body shake as her crying renewed.** **The memory continued to play in her mind:**

_"Solas..." She reached for him but he was already turning to face her. His brow was creased and his shoulders were stiff, as if he were facing those circle mages once again. But his grey eyes were lightning and rain. Anger and concern. "You gave yourself into the service of an ancient elven god." She wouldn't forget how much her heart leapt as she realized his concern was directed at her, not the knowledge the Well had retained._

_"What does that mean exactly?"_

_His shoulders relaxed, the storm was passing. "You are Mythal's creature now. Everything you do, whether you know it or not, will be for her."_

**She had seen more than most. She had seen his anger, his grief...**

_"But losing you would..."_

**She screamed and punched the stone wall behind her, the pain in her hand was a prick on the finger compared to her heart as it tore itself to shreds. She had seen his love, felt it. Love was ingrained in every kiss, every brief touch as she passed through the rotunda, each look he gave her after every fight; the one that would begin concerned but morphed and evolved as he watched her heal their companions, ignoring her own wounds. Her breathing was hitched now, short and fast, suffocating. Her mind whipped through Crestwood too quickly, too many times.**

_She felt his hands as they moved over her face, warm and careful, pulling her tattoos from her. She wanted nothing to do with that life anymore, she just wanted to begin a new life with him. One where she wasn't the Herald or the First. One where she could be Ianna._

_"You are so beautiful..."_

_Soft and loving. She could see herself with him, after the Inquisition. Wandering, lazy and safe with each other. His eyes were calm and settled like the fog around them. She stood on her toes as his lips molded gently against hers. Soft yet solid, his arms were around her and it was perfect. This moment was perfect. She wished she could stretch it into a million. But he pulled away too soon, his gaze was warm and content for a second until it wasn't. He became cold and reserved, his touch cruelly taken from her waist; panic and regret. The mask was sliding back into place._

_"Solas don't do this to me. Not now. I love you..."_

_"...In another life..."_

_"Why not this one?"_

**She stood, still trying to catch her breath as she went to the balcony. She looked over the edge, at the quiet snow below the wall, darkness made the snow bright, as the moon began it's ascension into the sky.**

_She stared into the mirror, aqua eyes ringed red from tears. She felt so naked and exposed. All the glances and whispers from Skyhold's patrons as she scrambled to her quarters upon her arrival had made her too aware of her appearance's drastic change. She wanted to disappear, wished she had frozen in the blizzard after Haven._

**She was faintly aware of her sobbing but now she focused on the snow. How peaceful it was, how clean and innocent. She didn't want to realize how far she was leaning over the balcony. Her breathing slowed as she imagined nothing but but what it would be like to be the silent, freezing ground below. Tears slipped off her cheeks and dropped into the white oblivion. It could be so easy. Gently an arm was around her waist, pulling her off the railing and back into the dark walls of her room. She hadn't heard the door open.**

**"Inquisitor?" Cullen slowly turned her to face him, he backed away a respectful distance as Dorian took her face in his hands.**

**"Maker's breathe Ianna! What do you think you're doing?" his face blurred slightly in front of her, but she could imagine the scornful look he would be giving her to accompany the concerned tone.**

**"What is she saying?" Cullen looked at Dorian like a mother looks at a healer after her child tumbles down a hill.**

**"I'm sorry Commander but I am afraid I don't speak elvish."**

**"Couldn't you just...I don't know...use magic?"**

**"Why, what an excellent idea!"**

**"R-really?" he looked at Dorian, completely baffled.**

**"Yes! Just let me know when you find a spell that translates a unique, million year old language into common. I would be happy to use it!" Dorian fiddled with Ianna's broken hand, she barely felt the pain and looked at Dorian with hollowed out eyes. He looked at Cullen and issued a quick order for him to send for a basin with cold water and a rag. The commander nodded, but was focused on their usually vibrant, youthful Inquisitor, the agony and concern clear on his face.**

**"What did he do to you?"**

**"Cullen!"**

**The Inquisition's commander snapped out of his daze and hurried out of the room. Ianna turned on her side, facing away from the stairwell leading to the door.**

**"Ianna, what are you saying?" Dorian was gentle as he pushed the hair from her face. She continued her incoherent mumbling as her vision spaced in and out of focus. She never looked at Dorian, if she did she knew her fit would start all over again. She just hugged her knees to her chest, staring out to the mountains and quiet snow in the distance; sifting through the less troubling memories of her and Solas. Dorian gave up his prodding for the moment. He simply plucked a book from her shelf and sat beside her; he scoffed a few times at theories or ideas he, no doubt, believed were ludicrous. A servant came by with the basin of water and Dorian began treating her injured hand.**

**He tried to get it over with quickly, so as to not disturb her too much but he became more thoughtful in his actions as he saw the tears slip down her cheek. They weren't from the pain in her hand. After he was finished he resumed his vigil on the couch next to her bed. Ianna was only faintly aware of her best friend as he began to snore an hour later.**

_"Vhenan." A smile tugged at his lips. He knew she was settling on the couch at the far side of the room, despite her best efforts to stay quiet._

_"Oh! I'm sorry Solas. I didn't mean to disturb you." she pulled her knees to her chest, fiddling with a stray piece of fabric on her pant legs. He was planning his newest fresco, it depicted her triumph at Adamant._

_"You didn't." There was silence but it was relaxing compared to the roaring laughter and voices of those outside the door. Some of their companions felt Adamant's fall warranted an excuse to drink, mainly Iron Bull and the Chargers but others were more than happy to join in their festivities._

_"I'm excited to see it." She saw a soft smile creep onto his face._

_"You're not celebrating?" She wasn't a fan of drinking, though she did enjoy seeing Krem and the Charger's bet money on who would pass out drunk before Bull._

_"Why would I? Corypheus is still out there and I don't drink until the giant darkspawn magister thing is dead."_

_"Exclusively?"_

_"I could make a few exceptions." she smiled and glanced up at him, a blush creeping across her cheeks. His lighthearted chuckle rang through the rotunda and she did her best to memorize the sound, something so pure and care free was few and far between these days._

_"I'm sure you could." he returned to his sketches but the smile stayed pinned on his face. Ianna found herself a book after a half hour of watching Solas sketch. She stretched and laid the book at her feet before lying on her side._

_"Tell me of a spirit you encountered."_

_He put his charcoal aside as he thought. "I met a spirit who observed the dreams of village girls as love first blossomed in their adolescence, with subtlety she steered them all to village boys with gentle hearts who would return their love with gentle kindness. The Matchmaker, so I called her, that small village never knew its luck."_

_Ianna yawned as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "What happened to her? The Matchmaker?"_

_"I'm afraid I never found out..." she made a weak attempt at a nod. She woke briefly at the feeling of being lifted from the couch but was too tired to keep her eyes open._

**The book slipped from Dorian's hand and clattered to the floor interrupting her daze. It was nearing midnight and the fire was dying, Ianna could feel the chilled night air creep into her bones. She wouldn't sleep, not with the way her emotions dragged and clawed at her mind. It would attract too many demons, even for a skilled dreamer like herself. So, she stood; with her Avvar made blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders and left the room, mumbling and lost.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't explain the whirlwind of emotions I went through while writing this. I hope that came through??


	4. Broken, Bare and Bleeding (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something dangerous is discovered.

**She breathed in the cold night air and made her way down the massive staircase to the main hall. The stone was ice beneath her bare feet and she did her best to focus on that as she healed her broken hand. Dorian’s healing magic was far from the best but he had been able heal the worst of the break, now all she had to do was the patch work. She focused her mana on the injured area, feeling where each bone had separated from the others. She imagined them moving back into place, as if reversing time, willing them to their original spots. She saw as the bruising subsided slightly and despite the still dark discoloration she knew that the bones were set properly again.**

_ “You always see to your companions injuries before your own. Why?” they were lounging in the area above the the kitchen by the broken section of the battlements.They had just returned from Halamshiral and were enjoying the few quiet days that always accompanied the completion of a large mission. She glanced up at him, her attention drawn away from her book by his voice. His eyes were curious and polite, he wouldn’t press if she chose not to answer. She thought for a few moments.  _

_ “I can endure the pain. I hate seeing others suffer, especially if I can help and seeing my friends suffer even from a small scratch makes me feel,” she paused trying to find the right word, “...useless. So I feel compelled to help.” she glanced at her hands shyly and when she looked up again he had a small smile, genuine and loving.  _

_ “I see.” he looked down at his sketch again, seeming content with her answer. She was surprised he hadn’t questioned her further but she pushed the thought aside and settled back down, allowing the comfortable silence between them to fall back into place. _

**She sighed and wiped a tear that slid down her cheek as she made her way through the great hall. The statues of dragons around her seemed to follow her every move, it made her uncomfortable. She pulled the black and white Avvar scarf around her tighter, as if the soft fabric could hide her from their gaze. It warmed in her hands as if it sensed her distress and she quietly thanked it’s creator as she thumbed the dalish design along the edges. Ianna’s Avvar raised sister, Sirel, had given it to her as gift before she left for the Conclave.**

_ “Whatcha got there Siri?” Ianna peeked over her sisters sun kissed shoulder. Sirel yelped and jumped from her chair, hiding her latest knitting project behind her back. _

_ “It’s nothing! You didn’t see it did you?! It’s nothing!!” she kept her arms firmly behind her back, panic and surprise evident in her light gold eyes. _

_ “Oh come on Siri! If its another pair of gloves for mom I promise they can’t be worse than the first pair. Remember? You-” _

_ “Forgot the water proof linens..I know, I know” Sirel laughed and her shoulders relaxed slightly,  _

_ “Don’t worry it’s not gonna be that big of a disaster.” _

_ “Sooooo?” Ianna stood on her toes, even though she knew her sisters superior height would negate any effect it might have. _

_ ‘Don’t worry you’ll find out what it is I promise!” She laughed and Ianna shook her head as she moved to exit the small hut. Ianna stopped in the door frame and turned back to face her sister who was heading back for her chair. _

_ “Is it Dalish or Avvar style?” _

_ “It’s both. Don’t worry Anna, you’ll love it.” her smile was brilliant and confident, and when Sirel was confident about something nothing could sway her.  _

**She smiled and returned her attention to the hall which was quiet and still; the only sound was her bare feet padding gently against the grey stone, the moonlight coming through the windows turning her skin to marble. She watched her feet as they carried her to the one place she hadn’t been able to bring herself to during the day. If felt like something was calling to her, pulling her in with an invisible rope. She looked up and found herself staring at the door, she felt as if she wasn’t in her own body anymore, everything felt surreal as she reached for the handle. The warmth in her hand seeped away quickly and she pushed her way into the familiar space with minimal effort.**

**The circular room was dark around the edges with pale moonlight creating a brilliant spotlight in the center. She took a couple of steps forward, being sure to stay in the shadows, and glanced up the tower. It was completely dark and she couldn’t hear anything human moving in the uppermost levels. She was relieved that there was no one else in her vacinity.**

_ “Vhenan.” the word was even, cool and almost casual as it fell from his lips, despite its meaning. He was at his desk, hands stained black from charcoal.  _

_ “Can I help you Solas?” she smiled and danced to his side, far more excited by the term of endearment than she should have been. He shuffled some papers smoothly across his current drawing, she caught a glimpse of the thick black lines. She eyed him suspiciously but didn’t inquire about the page he hid, he would show her his project in time. She moved her eyes to his face, his features were smooth and calculated. She knew that face, the way his brows dipped subtly, he was conflicted. _

_ “Solas?” her own forehead creased slightly as she dipped her head, trying to make eye contact. _

_ “I-...Would you care to join me on an expedition to Crestwood? I have been meaning to test the veil’s strength since you closed the rift.” the request was simple and he smiled politely, but she saw the war being waged behind his eyes. This wasn’t the reason he truly wanted her to go with him but she nodded anyways. _

_ “Of course I would! Can you give me the afternoon to gather my things?” her enthusiasm brought a brief flash of grief across his face but it was quickly replaced by a warm smile. He bowed his head. _

_ “Take all the time you need Ianna.” She giggled in a giddy sort of way and raced for the stairs leading to the library, hoping an extra set of hands would help her pack quicker. _

**She should have paid more attention, she should have asked him outright what had him so conflicted. The scarf around her shoulders felt warm again and she smiled faintly. It was like being butted in the hand by a mabari, a subtle reminder that she wasn’t alone. She wandered by his desk and ran her hand over the stack of books that were piled precariously in the corner, once again feeling the invisible pull. She sat in the chair at the small table and set the scarf across her lap. She glanced at the papers next to them but gave up on trying to make sense of them as she recognized some advanced equations. When she stood to leave a stiff breeze blew in from the hole in the rotunda’s ceiling, scattering some of the papers off the desk.**

**Ianna sighed and began to gather them again, praying to anyone listening that they hadn’t been in any particular order. She was about to put the pages back in what she hoped was their original places when she caught a glimpse of a dark lined sketch. She bit her lip and reached for the page, sliding it out from under the books. The invisible rope seemed to pull stronger now, like something was drawing her heart out of her chest, it made it hard to breathe. The lines were deep but precise and she gasped as she saw the figure they created. She traced her left hand across the page gently, being careful not to smear the image and as her palm followed her fingers the anchor flared, bright green and angry.**

**She choked out a scream and clutched her wrist as the page floated to the desk and the rope was cut; it was like falling into the rift at Adamant, images were flashing by, the carriage ride, their arrival, it was all a blur a quick few seconds even though she knew it had been hours. Then they all came to an abrupt stop and slowed.**

**_She saw herself grabbing the ring for the duchess and all the faces of the nobles around her a mix of disdain and approval. Some of the braver noblemen let their eyes linger on her form that was beautifully silhouetted in her open backed silk dress for longer than was considered polite and she felt a strange surge protectiveness, she wanted to shield herself from the grotesque and lust filled expressions of the human men._ **

_ They aren’t worthy of her time, of her.  _

**These weren’t her thoughts, she wasn’t seeing this in her own eyes. This was someone else's memory and as if to reinforce her theory the images were a blur again as she was ushered into the ballroom.**

**_That same protective urge was flaring again, but it was tinged with jealousy as Gaspards hand settled on the small of her bare back. The masked man overlooking the dance floor announced Gaspards name and her own. She watched with a sense of pride and relief as her form gracefully and subtly pulled away from the grand duke’s hand._ **

_ “She’ll be alright Solas. She has more brains than most of Celene’s court combined.” _

_ Solas’s head swiveled to see the tevinter mage standing tall and proud beside him. He was right, as much as Solas hated to admit it, Ianna didn’t need his protection here. She was cunning and clever, a viper in the grass. His lips turned up in a small smile and he unconsciously straitened his stance, she was barely a quarter of the way across the dancefloor and her dress shimmered around her, flashes of silver making her appear as much the goddess as all these shemlen were led to believe. If she truly felt out of her element he was confident she would consult him or another of their party. He was announced as the inquisitors man servant and he had to work hard to keep the surprise from showing on his face. He distracted himself by turning his attention back to Ianna who, to his horror, faltered in her graceful gait. _

_ Ignore it vhenan, don’t let them see they get to you. _

_ He could only imagine her mortification that his title hadn’t been changed but instead of seeing the apologetic expression he expected, she turned her head as if to speak to Josephine who was walking beside her, just like her dress her hair was accented with silver pins and he noticed the way they curved like the horns of a halla. The reference to Ghilan’nain made his stomach turn, she was nothing like the Mother of Halla. She would never do the horrid things the false goddess had, he shut his eyes, hoping to banish the thoughts of Ghilan’nain in what should be a happy moment and as he opened his eyes again Ianna’s ocean blue and green ones caught his and she smiled knowingly. That beautifully mischevious smile she only wore after she’d done something particularly devious.  _

_ “That little minx…” Dorian hid his laughter with a bout of coughing. Solas allowed a small smirk to slip past his mask. She would have fit in perfectly in Arlathan. She was poised and bright, hiding only what was necessary, grace and purpose was ingrained in each step. She was the definition of beauty and purity, of everything right in this world and as she turned to finish her walk across the endless dance floor he felt his guilt and regret consume him once more. He didn’t deserve her love and loving her was entirely selfish on his part, but everytime he tried to pull away she did something to surprise him. She was the only real thing in a world that shouldn’t have existed and that scared him more than he could admit. _

_ You change...everything. _

**“Inquisitor!” the images were sharply ripped from her vision and she felt herself slam harshly back into reality, she jumped from the chair too shocked to care about the scarf that fell to the ground. Solas was standing in front of her, the sketch of her smiling back at him in Halamshiral clutched tightly in his hand. She gasped and struggled for air, the pain the anchor inflicted was subsiding, the hot pin pricks becoming a dull throb.**

**“W-what just happened?” her breathing began to settle and she sunk into his desk chair, completely unaware of the way he glared at her suspiciously. She tried to sort through the thoughts that had seemed so much like her own.**

**“What did you see?” his voice was rigid and commanding, a tone he hadn’t used in more than a millenia. Ianna looked at him, startled by the new tone. The moonlight hadn’t changed and it bounced off of his skin in a similar way to hers. This was the first time she had seen him since she came home from Crestwood almost 3 days ago. The anchor still throbbed dully and she felt tears springing to her eyes. She was so confused. If he had loved her so much why did he leave her. Why did he feel so guilty and how could a man hold so much regret? Why was loving her selfish? Did he regret being with her? What did he mean by a world that shouldn’t have existed?**

**Solas let his guard down as he saw her initial shock fade into the broken husk she had been upon entering the rotunda. It pained him to see her usually vibrant eyes so dark and devoid of any life.**

**“What did you see?” his voice was softer now, caring and calm.**

**“Halamshiral…” she barely got the word out and she bit her lip to keep herself from crying, “I felt everything you felt, I heard your thoughts. Solas I am so confused. Please, please help me understand. Whatever’s wrong, whatever you regret, let me help you. I can’t live knowing you feel so much pain and you won’t let me help.” She was staring at him, dead in the eye, willing every word she spoke to carry her sincerity. Though her words were soft they echoed through the rotunda sharper and louder than Solas had thought possible. He kneeled in front of her and pushed a stray piece of snow white hair from the side of her face, tucking it behind her ear. He traced the line of her jaw gently and let it linger there for a few moments longer before his hand dropped to his own knees.**

**“I know you can’t vhenan,” her breathe hitched at the term, “and trust me, you’ll understand everything someday. I am dreading and anticipating the time you know the whole truth but please know, that everything we had, everything we have, is real.” He stood and turned to walk back into the great hall, looking defeated and tired, like he had never slept a day in his life.**

**“Ar lath ma vhenan.”**

**“Solas…” Ianna stood to follow him but suddenly Cole was in front of her, his hand inches from her forehead.**

**“Forget.”**

  
  
  
  


**Ianna opened her eyes to the sun filtering through the massive windows of her room. She groaned and sat up, her head was pounding. Everything seemed fuzzy and too bright at once.**

**“Well well, good to see you’re alive,” Dorian sat on the bed beside her and handed her a glass of water.**

**“I don’t feel alive…”**

**“Nor do you look it my dear Inquisitor. But luckily neither looks nor mental dexterity contribute to the actual process of being a breathing person.” he waited patiently while she downed her water and poured her a new glass.**

**“You're right, of course.” she smiled slightly, something in her felt better, not as dark and Dorian gawked.**

**“Ha! It smiles! I swear thats the first smile I have seen on your face in almost 4 days!”**

**She fiddled with the glass in her hands as she reflected on her behavior the last few days, not that she had to do it for very long, her room was enough of a physical representation of what her mind and heart had gone through.**

**“Dorian, listen, I-”**

**“No, no don’t you dare start with the apologies. You have nothing to apologize for.” he looked at her intensely.**

**“You did what you felt you needed to and…” he looked around the room cautiously, “...I think you got through the worst of it. Now all thats left is the patchwork. You just need a polish.” the way he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear seemed familiar but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.**

**“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make sure that Sera doesn’t kill a certain elf on your behalf.” he patted her knee gently and stood, heading to the staircase to her door.**

**“Dorian!” he turned to look at her and despite his sprightly posture she saw the exhaustion that weighed on his shoulders and showed in the bags under his eyes.**

**“Thank you, for...everything.” she smiled half heartedly.**

**“You can thank me by saving the world.” and with that he left the broken room, and the woman who was sitting up in the remarkably clean bed stood on two bare feet and took a deep breath. Her heart still ached, it would take time to fully heal, but now she could bear it. She could endure the pain if it meant her friends wouldn’t suffer for her emotions any longer.**

**As she got ready for the day she caught a glimpse of herself in the windows reflection and groaned at the sight of her matted and tangled hair. It would take forever to brush the knots out. She went to her desk and grabbed the knife she kept in the drawer. She took her hair in her left hand and prayed briefly as she sliced the bulk of her matted hair off. After she got the the worst of it off she combed through what was left. It was barely past her jaw but she had to admit she hadn’t done a bad job. The cuts were even and the style framed her face well. She sighed in relief that she hadn’t completely butchered it. There was a knock at her door and Josephine’s lovely voice lilted up the stairwell.**

**“Inquisitor?”**

**“Hold on Josie, I’ll be out right now!” She scrambled to pull her boots on and after spending a couple of seconds looking for the scarf her sister made her decided that she probably lost it under the sad looking piles of torn books and broken glass. She took another deep breathe to calm herself and vowed to find the memento later. Right now, she had to keep a promise to her best friend.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. so honestly i don't know how I got to that ending but I mean there it is! Sorry if people are confused, feel free to ask questions! I will probably end up changing the ending at some point but I wanted to get SOMETHING up. Hope you all enjoyed!


	5. The Hunter and the Hare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianna and her first love, Mahanon, share a quiet moment under the ever-watchful stars.

**Ianna could hear the rustles of her clan as they prepared to settle down for the night in the distance. Fires were put out one by one and with each new sizzle the sky above became clearer, each star brighter. She smiled as an owl called softly from across the clearing, it was a welcome distraction from the river that rushed by just behind the trees. She shivered as if she were still standing in the frigid water. One of the clans elders had punished her for not repairing a part of the halla pens, despite the obvious sabotage inflicted by her peers. They found joy in her suffering and she couldn’t understand why. Varlen, her clan’s storyteller, had tried to defend her but with Deshanna gone and no First in place the elder’s word was law. She sighed loudly and clenched her fists as she remembered the smug look on the kids faces as they saw that their plan had worked.She couldn’t even begin to guess why they hated her so much. It couldn’t just be her appearance. A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away, ashamed of it’s betrayal.**

**“Don’t hurt yourself _Oin,_ ” a familiar voice cradled her thoughts gently, easing the pain, a balm for her burns.**

**“Or more accurately don’t hurt the grass. What did it ever do to you?” Mahanon laughed gently and dropped to his side beside her, the brown waves on his head flashed silver in the moonlight and his mouth turned up into an unfairly handsome smile. He ran his hand across her cheek and then shifted his body so he was lying on his back, stars twinkled in his emerald eyes, that small touch had made her heart flutter.**

**“It hasn’t done anything...yet,” she frowned slightly and then glared at the dark plant beneath her. Mahanon laughed again, this time it was louder, more joyous.**

**“Don’t be silly Ianna. The grass won’t suddenly reach out and suck you into the depths of the earth.”**

**“Sometimes I wish it would,” she plucked a strand of grass from the earth and it released with a hollow pop. Mahanon went still, very still. She glanced up to make sure he was breathing, but he had turned his head to look at her his expression was very serious.**

**“What?” she furrowed her brow gently, concerned she had offended him in some way. His brow furrowed in turn and she sat up, crossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap.**

**“What?” she repeated her inquiry, her anxiety climbed and she felt the ice freezing between her fingers in response. What if she had offended him? She couldn’t risk losing him. He was her best friend, possibly her only friend. Whatever she had said she would apologize for however long he wanted, even if it took her months, she would make it up to him.**

**“Was is something I said?” her brow furrowed further and her bottom lip began to quiver, her hands were completely iced over and now the magic moved to her wrists. Mahanon sat up, his warm eyes fixed on her fade touched ones.**

**“Actually, yes it was.” her heart went into overdrive and she felt the tears well in her eyes. This was it, this was why everyone hated her. She never knew when to shut up. The apology began forming on her lips but Mahanon’s expression softened as he realized the source of her anxiety was him. He reached out a lightly tanned hand and took her ice covered ones into it.**

**“How could you ever consider taking yourself away from me, especially in such a horrific way!” he barked out a laugh and she instantly relaxed.**

**He hopped to his feet and began feigning grief.**

**“Oh Ianna my love! How can I go on knowing you’re somewhere down there!” he fell to his knees and began banging on the earth. Ianna laughed with him and his posture relaxed subconsciously at the sound.**

**“Alas! I must follow you as diligently as the hunter chases the hare!” he began clawing at the dirt with his hands and Ianna giggled and she threw her arms open wide, allowing herself to fall into his boisterous production.**

**“Oh but dear hunter I am here! I never hid in the earth!” he looked up at her as if baffled by her not so sudden appearance. He pretended to be confused for only a moment before genuine joy lit his soft features, the stars and trees behind him framed him so perfectly that Ianna nearly lost her breathe.**

**“ My dear rabbit!” he laughed and dashed towards her, scooping her into his arms as if she were a child. She yelped and wrapped her arms around his neck.**

**“I was so afraid I would never find you again.” he touched his forehead to hers and she watched as he closed his eyes, Andruil’s markings fell into place as his face relaxed.**

**“I couldn’t live in a world that didn’t have you in it Oin…”**

**She hugged him tighter, the affectionate nickname he had given her when they were younger never failed to bring a smile to her lips.**

**Mahanon set her down, placing her feet onto his as he pulled her into his chest. They swayed gently for a while, waiting for the symphony of the forest to reach its height.**

**“I’m sorry I upset you Mahanon.” her soft words seemed loud in the silence that surrounded them. She had all but forgotten about her clan and the abuse they inflicted upon her, all that mattered was this beautiful and kind boy that stood in front of her.**

**He looked down at her and that warm smile reappeared on his face. He let her go and stepped away, as if he was about to leave, but before she could move to follow him he turned and bowed at the waist, his right hand extended towards her while the left folded behind him.**

**“Don’t be, rabbit” his eyes flashed ,”Now will you come and dance with me before the crickets go away or do I have to dance with the log that’s floating in the river?”**

**She moved towards him, placing her left hand in his.**

**“It would probably be a better partner than me,” he spun her experimentally and she adjusted quickly.**

**“I highly doubt that,” he said the words confidently. He had no doubts in his mind that he would ever find anyone as right for him as Ianna was. She was the air he breathed, the earth that kept him grounded, she was the heart that beat peacefully in his chest. Without her the forest would never create it’s beautiful melodies, because while the music around them was flawless and pure it was only imitating the original composer that danced gracefully before him. Her white hair and skin reflected the moonlight like thousands of fragmented crystals in the sunlight, but she was not fragile like those crystals, her spirit was unbreakable, unshakable. As he realized this he made a promise he fully intended on keeping as long as there was breath in his lungs.**

**“Ianna,” she glanced at him, the blue hues around the edges of her fade touched eyes wide and vibrant. She never broke her stride, they had performed this dance so many times it was second nature for her.**

**“I promise I will take you away from here. As soon as we have the chance to leave we will. We’ll travel anywhere you want to go!”**

**“We can go the Arlathan Forest! You’ve always wanted to go there!” her face became animated at the idea of leaving their clan, the excitement evident.**

**“Yes, of course. Anywhere!” he lifted her into his arms and hugged her tight.**

**“I’ll follow you through the Deep Roads if thats what you want rabbit. And I promise, nothing will ever happen to you again.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oin = Rabbit/ Hare 
> 
> I kind of deduced the meaning from the Project Elvhen: Book of Names
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys! I had a lot of fun writing this one, it made me feel very serene in this madness that is our world!


	6. They Are All Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Arlathan Forest holds many secrets and many dreams. To most it is a frightening place, to Ianna it's home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 years post-trespasser

**The sky was blue. It was always blue and sometimes she felt like she would fall into it but today something about the color soothed her. The water rushed around her feet as if she were an extension of the pebbles beneath them. It’d been too long since she’d done this. Since she’d let herself be free, be calm. There had always been too much to do, too many people to impress, the weight of the world would sit on her shoulders. Unmovable, unbearable. She had never wanted it, any of it, yet she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. The good she had done, the people she met, outweighed everything. The water pushed against her calves and she took a deep breathe.**

**This wasn’t the time or place for her emotions to get the best of her. The wind tugged at her hair it carried with it the faintest whisper of a laugh. Bright and light. Untainted joy and beauty. She moved with the current of the water, towards the voices. The small stones slid beneath her feet but she was confident in each shift, she couldn’t slip here. These woods were hers, this stream was the blood in her veins. The water surged, crisp and clear, the warm breeze played in the trees, and the laughing drifted with it. The joy in her heart swelled. Everything here was alive and right and serene. Nothing was held back or hidden. She was running with the current now hoping that its crystal depths would never end. The laughter was back but this time it was her own, she was untamed here, wild. Oh how she missed feeling wild, it was something only these woods could bring out of her. She was confident and reckless here, the dangerous hunter, not the tamed, leashed First. She was still running, she couldn’t tell if she was running away from something, towards something, or just running to forget but she slowly became aware now, of people, elves kneeling and walking by the banks of the river. She dug her feet into the smooth stones, she slid a couple feet before coming to a stop, and she watched with wide eyes. None of them paid her any attention. Their vallaslin marked them as dalish but when they spoke to each other she couldn’t understand them. These were not her people but they were strikingly similar. The warmth of the breeze enveloped her for a moment before leading her forward, deeper into the woods. She followed it gladly.**

**As she walked under the cool shade of the massive trees she began to notice the little details around her, like the soil beneath her feet was soft and well nourished, something so simple but she wouldn’t have noticed it on her own. It felt like something was at her shoulder, whispering for her to remember each detail of this moment, of the moments to come. Elves were walking in the trees beside her, in small groups but they were spaced out throughout the tree line.**

**The voices of the elves were lyrical, a lullaby for those untrained in the language. Her mind drifted for a moment, it was calming, the cadence reminded her of someone but she couldn’t figure out who. As she listened she noticed she was no longer going through the woods at the breeze’s insistence, something stronger was pulling her, an unseen force that was radiating weightless relief and peace. She moved faster, desperate to find the source of such bliss and tranquility. As the pull became stronger there seemed to be more elves, the lyrics of their words was now accompanied by music and the sounds of children playing. She knew these noises well, this was a celebration; for what she couldn’t say. She came to a clearing and suddenly the sun was gone, but none of it’s warmth had faded. Millions of stars glittered above her head with a full moon to accompany them. Lanterns floated among the trees, weaving between the branches; they left small golden flecks of magic in their wake. In the center of the clearing stood a magnificent tent, its silk roof was trimmed with gold and there were over 4 dozen people dancing in both the clearing and in the tent itself, almost double that amount were sitting or standing while conversing with those around them.**

**She approached the tent cautiously at first, but once she was sure that no one could see her she became more confident. She could see the details of their vallaslin now, they all wore Mythal’s markings. She was confused for a moment, she had never seen a clan who all had the same vallaslin, but she pushed the thoughts aside quickly. That source of intoxicating bliss was extremely close by; but now noticed this bliss was twinged with nostalgia or something close to it, she couldn’t make heads or tails of it. She pushed the flap of the tent aside gently, afraid it would tear with even a look, the fabric was soft and silky but it was definitely heavier than it looked clearly made for the outdoors. She gasped as she took in the room, the warmth and magic that drifted to her nearly made her faint. Couples danced in the center of the tent, their clothes weren’t fancy by any means but she could tell great thought was put into them. Some couples wore outfits that seemed to match, though the colors weren’t exactly the same; other couples were not as...considerate with their show of affection and she quickly averted her eyes from those couples. She knew they wouldn’t see her but she still felt awkward intruding such moment.**

**There was one figure however, he stood to the side, his back was towards her but he radiated just as much excitement and joy as the rest of them, no in fact he radiated more. She suddenly realized he was the force that had drawn her here, the relief, the mind numbing bliss he felt at watching this party, this scene, was a tangible thing. It was pouring from him in steady golden waves, drawing her closer like a magnet to metal. He was on the other side of the room but she could clearly see his hair was short, barely to his shoulders, and a reddish brown. He was tall and broad shouldered, something about it was familiar. She heard a voice shout above the music and the figure before her turned, searching for the voice but instead he locked eyes with her. His eyes. Those beautiful, haunted, storm grey eyes. She gasped as she felt her heart plummet, surely he would leave like he had so many times before. She refused to move, as if any sudden twitch of a muscle would send him running for the hills. But instead he simply smiled, his aura of pure joy never faltered. In fact, it was almost stronger in a sense.**

**“Vhenan,” the words were spoken in that calm even tone, a word she hadn’t heard in so long, and she nearly came undone. She had heard it like he was standing beside her. He sat his glass on the table closest to him, leaving the group he had been in a conversation with baffled as he made his way to the seemingly empty point in the room. He weaved his way through the people around the edges of the room, never m=bumping into a single one. She willed her legs to go forward, to meet him halfway but she was still too afraid to move. This couldn’t be him, he would never approach her so openly, so filled with palpable love and joy that it would be insane to ever consider this man was not hopelessly in love with this fragile looking elven girl. But to her genuine surprise he was by her side in less than a minute, enveloping her in his arms and she heard audible gasps, from those who were looking; as if she had appeared from thin air.**

**However, the aura of shock didn’t last long, as if they were set to play specific roles and they had just broken character for a brief moment. She felt the tears roll down her face as she breathed him in, clutching at the modest robes he wore.**

**“You kept me waiting vhenan,” he chuckled deeply and she looked into his eyes, they were soft and warm like the breeze outside, golden branches twisted around those same eyes and she traced them gently. He was younger here, he looked to be a little over 20, the same age as her. It was refreshing to see him without those small hints of sadness, of regret.**

**“I didn’t mean to…” she whispered the words, not trusting herself to produce anything louder. He kissed her forehead, something so small but she had missed it so much. It made her heart throb and ache. His aura pulsed again as if to comfort her, and she allowed it, sinking gratefully into the bliss.**

**“Why aren’t you running from me?” again, the words were tentative and silk lined.**

**“Because tonight I am not Fen’Harel, vhenan,” he motioned to the dancing figures and the lighthearted laughing elves around them. Lanterns floated high above their heads, filling the tent with a soft orange glow.**

**“Tonight I am Solas” he picked her up by her waist and twirled her around, and she yelped in surprise.**

**“This is not the Solas I remember, “ she giggled as he let her down lightly, she tugged at his hair to prove her point. He scowled playfully, “Why must you always find something to complain about?”.**

**She laughed as the song around them changed to something slower, more intimate.**

**“I’m not complaining Fen’an, simply stating a fact,” he chuckled at her statement and smiled at the ironic nickname she had bestowed on him so long ago. But he didn’t think it ironic tonight, he simply heard it for what it was, a loving endearment, a name to show she trusted him to protect her and that he should trust her to do the same.**

**“ ‘I was Solas first.’ “ he repeated the words he had told her in sorrow nearly two years ago, “You never had the chance to see me like this my love.” he brought her closer to his chest, his eyes filled with so much love, his soul laid bare before him. But there was no trace of sorrow in them, just pure affection, untainted desire and joy in equal measures.They had stopped dancing, becoming lost in the other’s gaze, and eventually she felt like she could not be close enough to him. She stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, letting her lips meld into his like she had done only a handful of times before. But this time was different, yet familiar, it was like their first kiss. He gave himself to her, but not a piece, not the shattered bits she had to put together like a puzzle; this was him, completely put together, whole and weightless. His aura seemed to explode around her as he tugged her closer to him, wrapping a strong, steady arm around her waist. His other hand drifted gently to her face, cupping her cheek in his warm palm, but like all their previous kisses it never lasted long enough, not in her opinion. He pulled away reluctantly and she nearly chased him but he simply laughed.**

**“You always find ways to surprise me.”**

**“I try,” she felt the heat creeping across her face, breathless. He took her hand in his and led her out of the tent, he was so excited, like a child wandering the woods for the first time.**

**“Where are we Solas?”she laughed as he dragged her to his side, clearly displeased with the space that had accumulated between them. He laced his fingers into hers, and she smiled up at him, his gold vallaslin barely visible in the dim light of the clearing.**

**“This is my memory, vhenan. A dear friend of mine had joined Mythal’s rank, pledged their life to her service.” his aura dimmed for a moment, the vallaslin fell for a moment and he looked like the tired apostate she had met nearly 5 years ago. She reached for his face and brushed her hand against the furrow in his brow, he took her wrist and kissed her fingers gently. Everything from before became solid again.**

**“It was a joyous night for me. I won’t soon forget the way the light played tricks in the trees, and how the lanterns seemed to dance with us,” his hand flicked towards the trees and 3 lanterns popped into view like firefly’s. The gold light was accompanied by a soft green hue now.**

**“My only wish this night was that I could have a partner. Someone who shared my joy in this moment, who knew how truly happy I was.” he squeezed her hand.**

**“Then you found me, Ianna,”she turned to face him, and his joyous aura was flooding over her again, like how the river had washed over her feet; it was both apart and separate from her, molding her, shaping her and taking away the sharp edges.**

**“I promised myself tonight that if you found me I would not run,” he moved a piece of her glowing white hair behind her alabaster ear.**

**“And you haven’t,” she smiled up at him.**

**“It appears so…” he chuckled and kissed her forehead again, sending a fresh wave of joy to wrap around her.**

**“And you won’t leave soon, I hope?”**

**“ I don’t plan to, my heart,” he pulled her around so she was facing him and they began to sway gently to the music from the tent. Ianna sighed contentedly as she let herself fall into the lazy rhythm that was set. She wouldn’t mind if she spent eternity like this, of simply dreaming, of being in these little moments with him. This was all she ever wanted out of life. This is what life would never allow her to have.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fen'an: someone who has the heart of a wolf; lit. "wolf heart"
> 
> Once again taken from Project Elvhen: Book of Names  
> So I actually have been in a seriously write-y mood lately! It's been great!  
> Hope you all enjoyed!! As always please feel free to ask questions and comment! <3


	7. My Soul Dies With You (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something goes terribly wrong at Adamant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Dragon Age Day everyone! I hope everyone enjoyed Bioware's news about the game awards! Which I do plan on watching!! Anyways! Have some heartbreak to balance out your good day!

**_Lavellan._ **

**It was dark, cold and warm at once. How could it be warm? The last thing she remembered was spiders. That's it, just spiders. Or was it one big spider?**

**Ianna grunted as she stood from the stone floor of the cave. Her bones and muscles ached from the cold. How long had she been laying there?**

**_Lavellan._ **

**Something called to her, pulled her deeper into the cave's depths, and unable to resist, as if caught in a trance, she followed the invisible line. She placed her hand on the cold wall beside her, reassuring herself that she was walking on solid ground and not floating through empty space. The tunnel was quiet, too quiet, it felt almost maddeningly quiet. She couldn’t even hear her feet against the rock beneath her. It was almost like the air devoured any sound that threatened to disrupt it.**

**The whispers returned just as she was beginning to think she would go mad from silence and as quickly as her rage ebbed away she felt a brief moment of relief before being flooded with an irrational sense of anxiety. It crashed over her so hard that she stopped in her tracks and bent over, scraping her nails against the grey wall beside her and as she looked at her feet she realized the air around her was warmer than it was before. It was comforting, like being wrapped in a soft blanket and she clung to that warmth, desperate for it to chase away the overwhelming anxiety. The warmth around her and then anxiety within her played tug of war with her soul, keeping her intact just long enough for her to take a few steps forward and as she began to walk again she saw a dim red light at the end of the tunnel. This was the source of the warmth of the; only thing keeping her from collapsing into a sobbing mess on the floor. Instinctively her feet picked up pace, desperate for the full relief the red light would give her soul. But she realized, the closer she got the louder the small voices became; and as the voices grew her anxiety grew with them but the warmth from the red light continued to climb as well. As she approached the end of the tunnel she felt the same as she had before; desperate for something to free her soul of the addicting warmth and crippling anxiety, and she saw the source of all of those feelings before her. It was a massive red crystal, surrounded by a pool of some kind of dark liquid, the light emanating from it was soft and welcoming like the scent of poisonous flowers.**

**Small golden tendrils reached for her, they were jagged and broken like electricity and they wrapped around her hands as if trying to pull her closer. She let them, stepping across the stone cavern.**

**_“IANNA!”_ **

**She jumped at the sudden loud voice. It sounded so familiar and it broke her from her trance for a few moments, long enough for her to recognize the scent of blood and rotting flesh. The tendrils intensified their grip, causing her right hand to burn and she watched in silent agony as the flesh slowly and visibly melted from the bone. She was faintly aware of her cries and sobs she was producing but all she could hear was the whispers.**

**They came from everywhere and nowhere at once, She tried to push them away, to ignore them long enough to knit the flesh in her hand, to close the wound; but the more she pushed them away the louder they became. It was driving her mad, she wanted to claw her ears off but she couldn’t because her hands were burning in an invisible fire in front of her and she was frozen in pain.**

**_“My love I am so sorry. Come back to me, please.”_ **

**She felt tears roll down her face, that voice. The voice was so familiar she could almost picture the face, but the whispers were becoming shouts, screams. They sang the same agonized song, as if the flesh was burning from their bodies as well and continued to after death. Is this what death was like? Is this what was happening to her? Was she dying and stuck in a place between, sentenced to forever feel her fatal wounds and hear the anguished cries of her loved ones. The voices were bringing all of her fears to light and she couldn’t break free, she tried to lash out with magic but it sputtered uselessly around her. What would happen to everyone at Skyhold without her? What would Solas do? Would he move on from her quickly, would he even care she had died?**

**Solas. His voice, his words rang clearly in her mind. The voice speaking to her was him. Why was he sorry? What had happened? Then it was over. She collapsed to her knees, as if she was dropped from a cliff. She was sobbing uncontrollably and her hands were still burning, she tried hard not to wretch at the smell of the burnt flesh. Someone was beside her now, binding her hands gently and soothing what they could with magic. She looked at her savior and her sobbing became worse. Solas looked down at her, concern evident in his stormy eyes. Blood was splattered lightly across his face and soaked his robes but she didn’t care. She looked around through blurry eyes, they were in the fade and suddenly it all came crashing back to her. Their arrival at Adamant Fortress, the spirit that impersonated Divine Justinia...and the Nightmare Demon. She looked up behind Solas and the rift was there, but their companions weren’t. They were lying in pools of blood around them, it reminded her vaguely of the pool of blood around the red crystal from her vision. The Nightmare and its pet were heaps of boiling ichor. She looked at Solas and held her breath as he cradled her face in his hand, smiling sadly.**

**“Solas?” her words echoed around her, in her head and her blue-green eyes flew wide in terror. She had only heard this tone of voice from two others in her life, they were dead now in an alternate future in Redcliffe. Solas’s eyes welled with tears, his bittersweet smile never fading.**

**“Solas??” she was trembling in fear now, she could feel it, the lyriums corruption was coursing through her body, the whispers were returning but their source was her own head this time, and irrational fears and anxieties clouded her judgement. He would leave now wouldn’t he? Leave her to die alone, either of the taint or insanity, She could only imagine the panicked look in her eyes as she pleaded with him.**

**“Solas, I can’t die alone.”**

**“I’m here Ianna. I promise, I’ll stay right here,” his voice caught in his throat and he squeezed her wrist gently. Her vision was tunneling now, the voices were receding, she had always heard the taint was a slow, painful death but now she realized the taint wasn’t what was killing her now, blood had been pouring from her hands since she had touched the red lyrium in her vision. Solas had done all he could for her and he couldn’t bring her into Adamant Fortress, he wouldn’t condemn her to a life among the wardens.**

**“I won’t be far behind. Ar lath ma vhenan” he kissed her forehead so carefully she hardly felt it, she tried to say something back but everything was fading too quickly. She wanted to tell him that he had to try and stop Corypheus without her, she couldn’t leave their world to die in his hands. But to Solas, this world was dying with her, when she was gone all of his reasons to keep this world alive would go with her. His soul, his heart would scatter like ash in the breeze.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am so sorry for this chapter being so short! Everything has just been extremely crazy and I am grateful to all of you who are sticking with me and my unreliable postings! Next part will be from Solas's POV!!! I hoped you all liked it and as always don't be afraid to comment and interact!


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